synthfagz
reblog to bonk prev with yr forehead like a cat
Trying to write sex scenes is so aggravating because honestly describing sex is pretty boring. It's mostly just people putting bits of themselves on or inside other people's bits so you run into a lot of "they walked to another room" type problems where you can get caught up in just describing where everyone's limbs and shit are. What really makes smut interesting and hot, in my opinion at least, is sensory description but that's also hard because you'll be sitting there trying to find a new way to say "they were feeling sexual pleasure and it felt pretty good". Then you also have to figure out how to write dialogue that doesn't sound completely ridiculous and hackneyed. Really makes you want to just write "they boned down real good and it was totally hot trust me, it was definitely the kind of thing you'd want to jerk your shit to," and have done with it.
the funniest thing in the entire pirates of the caribbean series is definitely that one scene in At World’s End where they have parlay but davy jones is part of it, and rather than have him stand in the shallows or something they get a big bucket of water and have in stand on it on shore
who thought of that idea? who thought “put davy jones in a bucket of water” and had the guts to suggest it aloud? and then who went “hey that sounds like a great idea!”
at some point someone told davy jones their idea was for him to stand in a bucket of water and he agreed to it
ok but notice the trail of buckets behind him meaning he walked from the ocean through three other buckets of water before he got into the one hes standing in
It’s even funnier when you consider how he must have figured all this out in the first place.
Some folks are asking “well, if he can avoid the no-dry-land curse simply by standing in a bucket, doesn’t that ruin his whole motivation?”, but he’s not on dry land here.
The parley takes place on a sandbar - which, for the unfamiliar, is a temporary “island” of sand deposited by breaking waves, unconnected with the shore, that spends most of its time submerged, being exposed only at low tide.
What Jones is doing here is rules-lawyering his curse. Can you imagine the trial and error he must have gone through in order to determine that this would actually work?
“Okay, do islands count as dry land? How about parts of the shore below the high tide mark? Reefs? Shoals? What if I stand in a pool of water on a shoal? Does it have to be seawater, or will any water do? Does it have to be a natural tidepool, or can it be something artificial, like a bucket?”
What I am saying is that there must have been a process.
Pretty sure that this implies that the reverse - a bucket of sand, floating on the water (big bucket with just a bit of sand), would qualify as dry land. That’s absurd, so I’m pretty sure that his lawyer pulled a fast one over the curse governor.
It may be absurd, but the text of the film bears it out. Davy Jones can sense the presence of his heart while it’s at sea, but not while it’s on land (indeed, that’s why he buried it on land in the first place: to break his connection with it) - yet placing the heart in a simple jar of dirt conceals it from Jones’ awareness just as surely as burial on land does, even if the jar is on a boat at the time. Suitably prepared vessels filled with dirt absolutely count as dry land for the purpose of Jones’ curse.
Then the reverse should also be true. If he buried it in a jar of water, no matter how far inland it is, he would be able to sense it. So by this logic, any container of seawater counts as not dry land, ergo, the bucket is a perfectly viable loophole.
Not necessarily. It’s traditionally a lot easier to accidentally get whammied by a curse than it is to weasel around it - I figure that’s why he’s using multiple layers of indirection here. He’s forbidden to set foot on dry land, but it’s technically not dry land (it’s a sandbar, a non-permanent landform exposed only at low tide) and he technically didn’t set foot on it (he’s standing in a bucket of water). It’s entirely possible that either one of those things alone wouldn’t make the grade.
necrotelecomnicon
okay but this all raises one further, very important question: if it’s specifically “dry land” he’s forbidden from, what about wetlands.
can Davy Jones fight you in salt marshes? can he throw down in a peat bog?Swamp Battle?
This is the quality content I come to Tumblr for.
memes-and-musicals
could he step on land if his shoes are wet?
No matter how ridiculous PotC gets I will love it. Especially when it results in conversations like this
What if he crawls around on his hands and knees, with his feet raised slightly into the air? Can he walk on his hands? Can he ride around in a litter or a wheelchair?
can he be in a wheelbarrow?
What if he flies over dry land? Like in a hot air balloon, or in the claws of a giant bird?
What if he’s carried by two swallows using a strand of creeper?
European swallows or African swallows?
grednforgesgirl
this whole thread reads like a conversation between these two:
In fact im not entirely sure that it wasn’t their idea in the first place
tumblr is so funny it’s just scrapbooking for your hyperfixations. like yeah here’s a gifset that’s here for no reason other than the fact that I think it’s Pretty. here’s hugh dancy for the same reason. here’s me rambling about the thing that’s been itching my brain for months. here’s me giggling in the corner. here’s unadulterated mental illness
Okay fanfic writers, your mission, should you chose to accept it, is a filthy 100 word drabble, for any pairing, to be posted on Thursday, in time for American Thanksgiving.
Ready, set, write!
Fuck it, we got talking about this on Discord and I made an AO3 collection. Will keep it anonymous until after the weekend for anyone who wants to chuck in some random porn :)
ha i did three and i think they’re getting revealed today! nobody’s guessed one of them yet.
y'all know what's coming up soon, right
Welcome to the fourth edition of Wanksgiving, a no rules, no restrictions, just write event to provide distractions for our NA friends.
As usual, smut is welcome but not mandatory
This collection will open on 26 November 2024 and remain anonymous until 4 December 2024.
See our FAQs or Tumblr for more information - or come join us on Discord! (Closed, Unmoderated, Anonymous)
a talking point i often see when defending the consumption of dark content is that it’s a coping mechanism for those with trauma which is very valid and true but i also want to make this abundantly clear: you can like dark content for no reason. you can enjoy fucked up shit in fiction because it’s enjoyable and entertaining. trauma is not required as a ticket for entry. enjoy your dark content bc it’s fun and sexy and don’t let anyone take that away from you
reblog if you love to see that shit that was fucking crazy
'why did u leave this in the tags' u dont get it. if im unfunny in the tags its whatever buut if im unfunny in the post im going to be killed
Sherlock Holmes is the funniest case of “doomed by the narrative” ever. Doomed by the narrative and destined to die young bc the creator hated him, and then the fans literally bullied him into un-dooming the narrative, writing about him for another thirty years, and giving the character a canonical happy ending where he retires to the countryside and keeps bees. Funniest shit ever.
WE LOVED HIM SO MUCH HE GREW OLD
STOP THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FUNNY POST